Silent sex: why women are still suffering in a billion-dollar industry

Despite a radical shift in attitudes towards female sexuality, countless women are still grappling with unsatisfactory sex lives. The issue isn’t a lack of desire, but a shocking lack of understanding and prioritization of pleasure – a problem deeply rooted in societal shame and a frustrating inability to openly discuss what works.

A crisis of communication and shame

A recent Cosmo survey revealed a stark reality: 19% of women reported dissatisfaction with their sex lives, while a further 33% believed more honest conversations would significantly improve things. This isn’t just anecdotal; research consistently points to a significant gap between what women want and what they receive in the bedroom. The core issue? We’re still struggling to talk about sex – frankly, at every level, from education to personal relationships.

The campaign's lukewarm reception

Last week, Labour MP Samantha Niblett and Cindy Gallop, founder of MakeLoveNotPorn, launched ‘Yes Sex Please, We’re British,’ advocating for inclusive, lifelong sex education and open dialogue. The initiative, a playful nod to the 1973 film ‘No Sex Please, We’re British,’ unfortunately met with a largely dismissive response from cross-party MPs, who mocked the campaign as a distraction from more pressing concerns, such as defence spending. This tepid reception underscores a wider reluctance to address a fundamentally uncomfortable truth: that prioritizing women’s sexual well-being is often deemed secondary.

Rising stis and censorship: a growing emergency

However, the situation is far more urgent than a few parliamentary squabbles suggest. Young people are having less sex than ever, STI rates are soaring, and reported sexual offences in the UK have jumped by 11% between 2024 and 2025. Talking about sex isn’t a frivolous debate; it’s an imperative. Furthermore, the tightening grip of censorship online – the suppression of sex educators and sex-positive creators – is silencing crucial voices and hindering vital discussions.

Decoding the disconnect: what women are saying

So, what’s actually going wrong? Our survey unearthed a common thread: men often fail to prioritize their partners’ pleasure. Sasha, a 29-year-old bisexual woman, highlighted this issue bluntly: “If they clearly don’t understand how women’s pleasure works, that’s a huge turnoff.” She explained that even after explicitly communicating her desires, partners often revert to outdated, self-serving approaches. “They toss me a bone during intercourse and call it a day,” she stated.

The checklist for better sex

Sasha’s checklist – which includes a lack of clitoral stimulation, inconsistent tempo, and inadequate foreplay – resonated deeply with other women. Fran, 34, emphasized the importance of education, noting that many partners assume that sexual techniques learned in previous relationships are universally applicable. “There’s a gap between what men think they can deliver and what they can actually deliver in bed,” she pointed out. “Women’s bodies are complex, and most men haven’t taken the time to truly understand them.”

Moving beyond the ‘performance’

Ultimately, the key to a more satisfying sex life lies in open communication and a genuine willingness to learn and adapt. As Lucy Rowett, a sex and relationship coach, explains, “What happens in bed is often a reflection of what’s happening in the rest of the relationship.” She cautions against treating the bedroom as an isolated space, warning that unresolved issues can manifest as sexual disconnection. “Good sex in long-term relationships is not about getting it right every time; it’s about staying connected enough to keep finding your way back to each other,” she added.

A simple truth

The bottom line? A willingness to stay curious about each other is the most vital ingredient. And, as Fran concluded,