Hidden shame: 2-in-10 women battle vaginismus – a new series offers hope
A 22-year-old woman from Falmouth, Joy, is bravely sharing her struggle with vaginismus – a debilitating condition impacting an estimated two in 10 women – on a new Virgin Island series, sparking vital conversations around sexual health and shame.
Unlocking a silent pain
Joy’s journey, documented in the upcoming series, began with a frustrating inability to engage in intimacy, a consequence of vaginismus – a neurological condition where the vagina involuntarily contracts during penetration. It’s a challenge often shrouded in secrecy, leaving countless women grappling with physical and emotional distress.
Religious roots and a delayed diagnosis
“I started to realize there might be something wrong when I was 15 or 16,” Joy recounts. “It’s probably a bit later than some people might realize and to be honest, I was in a bit of like an ignorance is bliss sort of state where it felt to me that that’s not an area of my body that I should really explore.” Her upbringing instilled a deep sense of shame surrounding sexuality, fueled by restrictive religious teachings, making it incredibly difficult to acknowledge her own needs and desires.
The crucial first examination
“For me to start exploring and to really admit to myself that something might be wrong, where I couldn't insert something, I couldn't have sex, would be to admit that I wanted to have sex before marriage. That felt like something that I couldn’t do,” she explains. The initial doctor’s visit revealed a shocking response: “[Initially] I thought maybe it’s just the hymen’s in the way because I haven’t had sex, maybe it’ll just sort of break through, break open and everything will be fine. They went to to do an an examination and couldn't even barely touch me. Everyone's clicking on. "I was like squirming, wriggling off the bed, and in pain – they were barely even near anything, so I think that was their first indicator that I probably had vaginismus because there was a psychological response that was going on more than just a physical one. It was both of those things.”
Recognizing the psychological component
After a second attempt, and confirmation that her anatomy appeared healthy, Joy received a diagnosis, a relief that came after nearly four years of internal struggle. The NHS describes vaginismus as “an automatic reaction, which you do not have control over,” highlighting the involuntary nature of the condition. The series aims to raise awareness, especially regarding the often-overlooked psychological factors involved.
A call for change
Joy hopes the series will prompt religious organizations to re-evaluate the messaging surrounding sex, recognizing the potential harm it can inflict. “For a long time, [I didn't realise] how much religious shame is connected to vaginismus. Not just for me, but for many many women. There’s a link between experiencing certain religious messaging and this like psychological and physical condition, which I feel more women should maybe know about. I believe that the purity culture teachings that I was taught, the thing the messaging I heard was ended up being quite harmful and probably significantly contributed to the condition I have today.”
Treatment and a path forward
Treatment options range from psychosexual therapy and relaxation exercises to specialized devices, offering a roadmap for those seeking relief. The series serves as a crucial step toward destigmatizing vaginismus and empowering women to seek help. Ultimately, Joy’s story underscores the importance of open communication and self-acceptance – a vital message for a generation grappling with complex issues of sexuality and identity.